Nothing
by iljasperhaleex33
Summary: "Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?" A songfic based on the song Nothing by the Script. Edward will never be the same after Bella. Can he get over his devastating break up? Or is there something Bella's hiding...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognized characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original character and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? Two questions that tried to hide the most obvious one: Am I better off now than I ever was with her?<p>

The truth is I had no idea what the answer really was. My heart tells me I'm not, that I still need her in my life, that I will never be able to live without her. But my best friends, Jasper and Emmett, had other ideas.

"Get your butt up off that couch mister!" yelled Emmett, barging into my house and ripping off my blanket.

"We're going out. You have five minutes to change." Jasper was right behind him, a sly smile on his face.

I tried my best to hide my pain of the woman who broke my heart. Jasper and Emmet knew all about it, but for my sake, they didn't bring it up often. However, they usually came to my house on Friday nights to take me out. Other days, I would be so moody on them, and I knew they didn't like seeing me unhappy. So I put on my best smile and agreed to go with them to the local bar. The whole way there, I was dying just not to drag my feet.

"Alright," said Jasper as we sat at the bar. "I'm buying the drinks, so don't be shy boys."

"You don't have to tell me twice," said Emmett, and I forced out a laugh.

I don't call Emmett and Jasper my best friends for no reason. They know me better than anyone else I know. That included my mom, and even myself sometimes. Jasper was always good at reading my emotions and so he caught onto my fake laughter and shared a look with Emmett. I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be fine guys." I said. "I'll have a beer for starters."

"You know Edward," began Emmett, "A few drinks will help you to forget her."

I nodded, just as our beers came into view.

I didn't take Emmett's advice lightly. After a couple of beers, we started hitting the hard stuff. Now I'm talking about shots of vodka, Hennessey and even some scotch. I didn't notice when the others stopped drinking, all I knew was that I couldn't stop. Immersed in the feeling of numbness, I really thought I was beginning to forget about her.

"See Ed," Emmett said. "You're not even thinking about Bella."

The huge grin on my face and my high evaporated as he said her name. _Bella. Bella._ Why'd he have to say it? Now all of my thoughts were consumed of her once again. I pushed my drink away and groaned, hitting my head on the table. I realized that not even being drunk allowed me to forget about Bella.

"Dude, why don't you just call her or something?"

"Jazzz," I slurred. I shook my head, trying to shake away the thought. "Let's just go walk around."

It was already late and I was stumbling around the park near my apartment. There was a small bridge that lead to the other side of the park. That's where she lived. I started walking in that direction, stumbling amd unbalanced. Jasper and Emmett noticed where I was headed.

"You're crazy." Jasper shook his head as we made our way across the park.

I don't know what he's talking about; it was perfect sense to me. So my friends were there trying to calm me down throughout the whole walk. The closer I got to the bridge, the more nervous I got and so I started to yell her name. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if she met me half way, if she even would.

"Shh," Jasper put his arm around me as I lost my balance and I slumped by a tree.

"You'll get arrested for being publically intoxicated." Emmett held his hand out to help me as well, but I slapped his hand away.

"Bella!" I shouted and I'm sure the whole town could hear me. "If I go there now," I mumbled, "I can change her mind. I'll turn it all around."

"Edward, just call her and we'll go from there." Emmett gave me a reasonable look, but I shook my head at him.

"Em's right. She's not going to want to see you drunk." Jasper sat next to me near the tree. "Just call her and tell her how you feel."

And even though I knew I was drunk, and she didn't like it when I was drunk, I decided to take his advice. I'll say the words and I hope she'll listen this time even though they're slurred. I took out my cell phone and I dialed her number and waited for an answer. Jasper and Emmett watched me warily.

_"Hello?"_ a small voice said. It was full with sleep and I'm sure she didn't check her caller id if she picked up.

So I confessed to her, "I'm still in love…"

I waited and waited. I knew she couldn't mistake my voice, just like I couldn't mistake her, so it wasn't like she didn't know it was me. I squinted my eyes, holding ym phone tighter and running a hand through my hair. I confessed, told her what I feel and what did I get back?

All I heard was nothing. She said nothing. I wanted words but all I heard was nothing. I got nothing.

I closed my phone and looked up at my friends. "I need to see her. She didn't even answer me."

I got up and I stumbled there. I held on to all the railings and fences so I would tumble over into the dirty river. Jasper and Emmett pushed me along. I knew that she would come to her senses if we were face to face. If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure.

We were passing the bridge when I fell behind. Jasper and Emmett continued on at a slow pace, unbeknownst to them that I stayed behind to look down at the water. Sometimes love's intoxicating. My hands were shaking from my high and I couldn't see straight. But I lifted myself onto the edge of the little bridge. I put my arms up and shouted one last 'Bella'. I heard Jasper and Emmett yelling for me and running to where I was. But it was too late.

I threw myself off the edge and plunged into the water before they could reach me. After being under for a while, drowning my thoughts of Bella, I tried to swim up and get air. But I didn't know which way was up, or which direction I was swimming. I was losing air fast, and blackness began to overcome my eyes. I gave into the blackness and thought to myself am I better off dead?

When I woke up, I heard a loud beeping sound by my head. I felt stiff and fragile. I slowly opened my eyes and a bright light over took the blackness I was used to. I looked down at myself and I was in a hospital bed. I quickly sat up alarmed, which was not a good idea. My head spun and I looked for a garbage can. Thankfully, there was one right on the floor by my bed, and I vomited into it. My throat burned as I put the pail down and saw a large glass of water on the table next to my bed. I drank it until it was nearly finished, and when I put it down I heard a voice.

"Mr. Cullen?" I turned and saw a nurse standing at the doorway, she entered slowly and came to stand by the machine that was making the annoying beeps.

"What am I doing here? What happened?"

"You jumped into the park's river and drowned, Mr. Cullen." She tore her eyes away from the machine and looked at me. "You had an immense amount of water in your lungs, but we pumped it all out."

"So I can leave?" I started to unhook myself from all the tubes attached to me.

"Not yet," said the nurse and she gently touched my arm to stop my movements. "The doctor had a chance to talk to your friends. Mr. Whitlock and Mr. McCarthy explained you increasing depression and so the doctor referred you to see the psychologist here at the hospital."

"That doesn't mean I have to stay here." I tried to ignore the fact that I was now 'depressed' and was 'crazy'. I can go home and come to my schedules sessions as assigned."

"I'm afraid it's not that easy," said a new voice. I looked around the nurse to see a tall man in a white lab coat. He walked in and nodded at the nurse. She left quietly and the man pulled up a chair to sit while introducing himself. "I'm Dr. Snow."

I nodded at him, still not happy that I was being made to stay in a stuffy hotel room. "Why do I have to stay here, doctor?"

"I spoke to the psychologist here at the hospital and she is the one that requires you to stay in the hospital while your sessions are taking place. She explained that with the rising anxiety and depression your friends explained, and your recent attempt at suicide, she does not want to risk you having another accident."

"But this is all a misunderstanding." I shook my head. I didn't want this.

"Edward, your parents, family and friends all agree that this is the best thing for you right now." He stood up and wrote a few notes on my chart as I stared at him in shock.

I couldn't believe the closest people in my life could be such…such…traitors! How could they in me as a depressed, suicidal fool who needs to be quarantined in a hospital room for the rest of his life? I happen to be one of the sanest people alive and my whole life was turnd upside down when Bella broke up with me.

"You're first session starts in a few minutes. Dr. Ortega is almost here." Dr. Snow nodded at me and left the room.

Not two seconds later, a short, skinny woman walked into my room and shut the door quietly. I stared at her with anger, knowing what she was here for. She pulled up a chair next to my bed, just as Dr. Snow did and took a seat. She placed a notepad on her lap and crossed her ankles as she met my stare.

"Hi Edward," she said in a soothing voice. "I'm Dr. Ortega, but you can call me Nancy. Now here is the remote to your bed." She handed me a white rectangle. "Make yourself comfortable and we can begin."

She watched me steadily as I made the bed fold into a sitting position and adjusted my pillows. I looked at her expectantly when I was done and she smiles softly.

"Now Edward, I am here to help you. Everything you say in here will stay between us, and I hope you can open up to me and trust that I am a good listener and give good advice. Your friends and family have expressed a concern for you, especially after you got out of a relationship with Isabella-"

"Bella," I said coldly. "She is my ex-girlfriend and she broke up with me a couple weeks ago." I looked away from Nancy, gritting my teeth hard.

"Yes, I was notified. Now our sessions are not limited, so you have as long as you want to talk to me. If at any time you feel uncomfortable or want to stop, just let me know and I will leave." I nodded and she continued in the same breath. "Now I want you to explain everything of your situation. I am on your side, Edward, and I want to understand. Don't be embarrassed to tell me anything. I want to know everything."

"You want to know everything?" She nodded. "From the beginning? Like when I met Bella?"

"If that's what it takes, begin there if you'd like."

I took a deep breath. If I had to pour my heart out to a complete stranger about my love life, how I got it and how I lost it, I might as well go full-out. She wanted to know, well then I would give her an earful.

"Well, it all started senior year in high school. It was January 17th when I first saw her…"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello All, I had to repost this chapter because I noticed I didn't make the transitions between present and past clear. I apologize, and I hope this is better. Thanks for reading, please review. :D**_

_**P.S.-Italics are the past.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>"<em>Ladies and gentlemen," Mr. Banner tried to call our class to order. I stood at the back of the room, in front of Jessica to give her one last kiss and then I returned to my seat at the front of the room.<em>

_ "So, when are you going to break up with her?" asked Alice._

_ Alice was my little sister. She was also my lab partner in our AP Biology class. She was referring to Jessica, who was my current girlfriend for a couple of months now. I have been talking to her lately about how Jess and I have been growing apart and are talking about breaking up._

"Now, I don't want you to get this wrong," I told Dr. Ortega. "I wasn't a player or anything. Not like all the other boys in high school that had a different girlfriend every week. And I didn't break up with Jessica for any reason. We had a mutual agreement to our break up."

The doctor wrote some things down. "I understand, Edward. You don't have to prove yourself to me. Please continue." I nodded.

_"I don't know yet." I opened up my notebook as Mr. Banner set up the projector. "But we have been talking about it."_

_ "At least you both are coming to the same conclusion." I nodded in agreement with her._

_ The door of the classroom opened and everyone looked up. That's when I saw her. She walked in, with flushed cheeks and her head down, and made a bee-line straight to the teacher's desk. She spoke to him quietly, but I could softly hear the gentle tone of her beautiful voice. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, even when Mr. Banner sent her to an empty seat at the table on my other side, next to Angela Webber. _

_ She looked over at me after a minute of staring. Her huge brown eyes burned into my green ones and she gave me a faint smile. When I smiled back at her, however, her cheeks flushed and she looked away quickly. Alice bumped my arm with hers to get me to turn around and I gave one last smile to the beautiful girl on my left. _

"So I'm guessing this girl is Bella?" asked Dr. Ortega after my pause.

"Yes."

_When class was over, Alice went to ask the new girl if she would like to sit with us at lunch. I waited for them at the door and watched with a small smile as the two girls walked over to me. Alice had a bright smile on her face and introduced me to the brown-haired beauty._

_ "Edward, this is Bella." She motioned to the girl. _

_ "A pleasure to meet you, Bella." I held my hand out for her to shake, and she took it gently._

_ "It's nice to meet you too, Edward." She blushed and looked down when I let her hand go, and the three of us walked to the cafeteria. _

_ Being the obnoxious seniors that we were, a whole group of us sit together at lunch, putting a bunch of tables together in the middle of the room. Among them were Mike Newton, Angela Webber, Erik York, and Jessica Stanley, my girlfriend. My two best friends, Emmett McCarthy and Jasper Hale, and Jasper's sister, Rosalie, all sat with my sister and me at our table. Adding Bella to the equation only expanded our table further. _

_ We all sat down at our normal spots and Bella was introduced to everyone at the table. They all began to bombard her with questions about where she came from and her personal life. From all the questions I gathered that her full name was Isabella Marie Swan, daughter of Chief of Police Charlie Swan, she was 18 years old, her birthday was in September, I didn't catch the day, she didn't have a favorite color and she moved here from Phoenix, where she has been living with her mother._

_ "Why'd you move to Forks then?" asked Mike Newton. _

_ "I just thought it was time to live with my dad for a while, since I will be going to college soon." Simple answer._

_ She looked so uncomfortable under all the interrogation, but answered all the questions with a smile, no matter how uncomfortable they were. Although I had my arm around Jessica the entire time, we both knew that I could not keep my eyes away from the beautiful girl. I felt Jess understood, because I would notice her staring at another boy at our table the same way I stared at Bella. It didn't bother me the way it should, because we were growing apart._

_ "So Bella," said Rosalie from under Emmett's arm. They were dating. "Do you have a boyfriend?" _

_ Everyone at the table became silent to hear her answer. _

_ She blushed bright red. "Uh, yeah. His name is Lucas and he lives back in Phoenix." _

"And how did you feel when you heard that, Edward?" Dr. Ortega put her pen down for a second and gave me a small smile.

"Like I had already lost my chance. But hearing that he lived in Phoenix gave me a little bit of hope. I used to be a very optimistic guy." She nodded for me to continue.

_"Isn't that hard?" asked Eric. "I mean, most long distance relationships never work out."_

_ "I guess time will tell." She looked away from everyone and down to her uneaten turkey sandwich. I noticed her extremely long lashes, with just a small hint of mascara. She really was beautiful, with her pale skin and rosy lips. I made it an obligation to get to know her more. _

_ Turns out I didn't have to try that hard. Alice and Bella had become friends almost overnight. She was spending a lot of time at my house, hanging out with Alice and having little sleepovers. My mother was very fond of Bella, and it helped that Chief Swan always had our family in good favor. Bella and I didn't speak much, but when we did, it was something extraordinary. One time I bumped into her when she was sneaking into my kitchen for a midnight snack._

_ "So I see we have a little mouse in the house." I almost scared the poor girl out of her wits. It was probably the first or second time sleeping over at my house and she was still pretty unfamiliar with the kitchen. She dropped the box of cereal she found on top of my refrigerator. I chuckled as she tried to slow down her heart rate._

_ "Edward, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't sleep and I got a little hungry, and so-" _

_ "Bella, Bella. It's okay. You are welcome to eat whatever you'd like whenever you'd like." I gave her a smile and she nodded her thanks. As she was reaching for the box of cereal again I asked, "Are you sure you want to eat plain old cereal?" _

_ She looked down at it quizzically. "What's wrong with cereal? I find it very satisfying."_

_ I wrinkled my nose. "Brownies sound more satisfying right now. What do you say?" _

_ She nodded and placed the cereal back where she found it. We took out all the ingredients to make the brownies and followed all the directions on the back of the box. While making them, she told me more about her life. She spoke about her friends, her mom, her stepdad, her dog, everything you can think of. Her life was pretty fascinating, all from her love of sports, bar her extreme clumsiness, to her dislike of rain, snow and basically anything else that was wet._

_ "So you moved to Forks, the rainiest town in the US?" I laughed as I washed the dishes and handed them to her to dry. _

_ "Yeah, I guess I just wanted to see my dad happy. I didn't want to spend slim to none of my time with him before I go off to college. Who knows, maybe I'll even go to the community college here for a few years." She shrugged just as the oven dinged, signaling that the brownies were ready._

_ We cut up the brownies, some in shapes like flowers and stars. It was easy being with Bella. It was as easy as breathing and I couldn't understand why. I didn't even think of her as boys my age would, just someone to get in bed and that's all. I wanted to know her better than I knew myself. I wanted her to know me in the same way. It was a crazy feeling I couldn't place. And so I cut a brownie into a shape of a heart and gave it to Bella. Of course she blushed and mumbled her thanks. We piled up a couple of brownies for each of us on plates, and placed the rest of them on a platter for the others to eat tomorrow. I got us milk and we walked into the living room where I had left the television on._

_ "What do you want to watch Bella?" I handed her the remote, but she refused to take it and explained that anything I put on would be fine. I turned the channel to an old sitcom and we watched it in silence. Our laughs resonated around us every once in a while, but other than that we ate in a comfortable setting. _

_ "Why are you up so late Edward? You weren't even here when Alice and I went to bed."_

_ "Yeah, I was out with Jessica." I took another bite of my brownie shaped like a half moon. She looked over at me like she wanted to ask something of me, but kept her mouth closed. "What is it Bella?"_

_ "Is Jessica like your girlfriend or something?" She blushed and looked down at her glass of milk. I smiled at her, even though she couldn't see it from her angle._

_ "Jessica is my girlfriend, yes." She looked… Disappointed? I quickly tried to change the subject so this night wouldn't take a turn for the worse. _

_ "Are you gonna tell me the real reason why you are up so late Bella?" I gave her a small smirk and she blushed again. Man, how I wanted to just touch her cheek when it was bright red like that._

_ "My boyfriend always calls me around this time, because of the time difference, and so I was waiting for his call when I got hungry." I felt like there was something she didn't want to share._

_ "Did he ever call you?"_

_ "No, he sent a text that he was tired of doing this." _

"So was she saying that they had broken up?"

"I'm not sure, Doc." I shrugged. "She didn't say that exactly, but I did get a little angry that he would say that."

"So you had feelings for her." It wasn't a question, and I didn't like that she was already making assumptions.

"I don't know! I had only known her for a couple of weeks and we were both in other relationships." I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I was just angry because she looked so hurt and it ended up ruining my time with her for the moment."

Dr. Ortega nodded and wrote some notes down. I decided I was done talking for the day and she said she would be back tomorrow. "Don't indulge into the anger you felt that day, but look at it as an opportunity to fuel what you felt for her in that moment, even if you had no idea what it was."

As she got up to leave, I watched her with a confused look. That made no sense to me whatsoever. But when she was reaching for the handle, I stopped her.

"Like I said, Doc, I was only angry for a moment. We fell asleep soon after and I woke up with her beautiful head in my lap. It was one of the best nights of my life."


	3. Chapter 3

Another day at this hospital and I was really starting to get tired of the same routine. I knew it was only the fourth day, but I was beginning to wonder how long it would be before I could leave this wretched place.

I had been denying Dr. Ortega any sessions over the past couple of days and she has been complying, surprisingly. I had a feeling it would only result in her insisting we have a session today. And I really believe that sometimes I am a psychic.

There was a knock on the door and Nancy poked her head in after I gave her the okay. I was sitting on my bed looking out the window. Thank God the nurses let me dress in whatever I want, so I was completely comfortable in my Levi jeans and t-shirt.

"Hello Edward." I didn't acknowledge her, still acting like a little girl about my current situation. She didn't get the hint that I wanted to be left alone, though, and so she continued to speak.

"I have some good news." Another pause was given for my nonexistent answer. "You will be moved out of this stuffy hospital room and into a suite. Its just like a little apartment, so you can be more comfortable."

"I don't understand why I just can't go back to my apartment. I'm fine and I what happened the other night was just a mistake." I ran a hand through my hair nervously.

"I think this is the best thing to do right now. After a few more weeks, I will determine if you can return to your own apartment." She walked around to the window and sat on the sill, facing me. "However, this cannot happen unless we continue our sessions. So what do you say?"

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. Like I said, I knew this was coming, so I had preparing myself for the dreadful meetings between my psychologist and myself.

You may wonder why I think these sessions are so awful. Well I'll give you a good reason. After my first session, I dreamt of Bella. That isn't the bad part; in fact, that is the amazing part. All the fantasies that I have partaken in with my daydreams felt so real in the dreams I had that night. The horrible part: waking up. It just made the pain and the realization that it was just a dream all the more real.

Nancy continued. "Well you have a few visitors and then you can move in to your new room." She got up and started to walk to the door before I stopped her.

"Wait." She turned to me with her hand on the handle of my door. "You said I have…_visitors_?"

"Yes. They're coming down the hall now." With that, she left the room.

I knew I had a loving family, but I hadn't had any visitors since the day of the accident. My parents had to fly in from Forks to get here, and I knew it would take some time. But not even my own sister had come to see me. She didn't live that far away, only a 30 minute drive from my house. Jasper visited me more than she did. I don't know, I just wasn't expecting any visitors for a couple more days. And of course, my family has to do their visit up big.

The first person I saw was my mom, Esme. She had tears in her eyes and I got up to hug her as soon as she walked in. She kept apologizing for not getting here sooner and yada yada yada. I reassured her and gave my dad, Carlisle, a hug when I let her go. He was talking about how worried they both were and was already looking through my medical chart. He was the head doctor back at Forks hospital and he probably had to take an extended leave to make sure I was okay all the way out here in New York.

My sister walked in closely behind my parents, along with Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. I couldn't even bare to look at any of them. I understood why my parents couldn't come to visit, but them? The same people that betrayed me and have vowed to always be on my side when we all moved out here together? I couldn't even have them in the room.

"What are you guys doing here? What? Finally remembered I was in this hell hole?"

"Edward, please…" began my sister, Alice.

"No, Al. You all promised you would be here for me. Not give me up to the hospital so that they would dub me as the local psycho." I pointed my stare in the directing of my so called best friends. They both looked down at the floor.

"Edward," my mother chastised me. "It was upon my request that they not visit you until we arrived for this very reason. I knew that you would chew them up and spit them out for what they did, but Emmett and Jasper were just trying to do what would benefit you the most."

I scoffed, something that my mother was very opposed to me doing to her, but I couldn't help it. I hated being in this stupid hospital. My dad gave me a warning stare and I automatically apologized.

"Now I brought an early lunch so we can all sit down and eat together like a family. So no more fighting and let's just enjoy each other's company."

We all nodded and began putting all the flat surfaces in my room together to create one big table. My mom pulled out pasta, salad, garlic bread and soda from her food bag and placed it on the table. We spooned up our disposable plates in an awkward silence, but the moment Emmett groaned from tasting my mother's cooking, we all broke out in laughter. The ice was broken and I decided to just let everything go. Arguing with my family would not fix the fact that I was inevitably stuck in the hospital for God knows how much longer.

"We heard you were moving into a suite," began my sister, "and so we brought you some of your stuff from your apartment that you can put in there. Like clothes, books, etc."

"Thanks guys." I gave them my best smile; I knew it didn't reach my eyes. It just made my residence here all the more official.

Lunch was spent with my parents telling stories about our hometown and how everyone was. It would be a complete and utter lie if I said I didn't miss my hometown. It was where I grew up almost my whole life, moving there from Chicago when I was adopted by my parents. I was only eight at the time, but the town grew on me. It was where I had met my sister and best friends. It was also where I met Bella, no matter how things turned out between us.

While we were cleaning everything up and putting my room back together, a nurse came in to escort me to my new room. Everyone grabbed something to carry and we followed the nurse to the top floor. The suite was nice, with a living room and a kitchen, but it was my apartment. I walked to the curtains and pulled them back in the living room. I gasped.

There was a perk to this room. The view was amazing. I could see almost all of Manhattan and I thought to myself that this life couldn't be that bad. I quickly shook it away though, knowing it was more of a quarantined lifestyle I would have to endure.

I turned back to my family, all standing by the door after helping me settle all my belongings into my new room. My mother had tears in her eyes and I went over to embrace her in comfort. I knew this was killing her more than it was me the fact that I had to stay here.

"We're staying at Emmett's house so we will be close if you need anything." I hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry this has to happen to you right now. I hope you realize that we are doing this because we love you and we want to find out why you are acting like this."

As much as I wanted to argue with her over her statement, the tears that were currently soaking my shirt keep my lips zipped tight. There wasn't anything wrong with me, and I was going to prove that to them and to Nancy, no matter what it took.

I hugged everyone in turn as they all expressed similar words as my mother. They all wanted the best for me yada yada yada.

I ushered them to the door, until Jasper and Alice both stopped in their tracks. We all gave them weird looks as they exchanged a loving look between the two.

"We have something we've wanted to tell all of you," Jasper began, grabbing a hold of Alice's hand. Tears brimmed up in her eyes, and everyone automatically thought the worst, I could tell from their expressions.

Suddenly, thousand watt smiles beamed on both of their faces. To say I was confused is an understatement. I had no idea what the hell was going on and I was freaked out.

"What is it?" Carlisle finally choked out.

"You all know Alice and I have been married for three years now and we thought it was time to start our own family."

"I'm pregnant," said Alice. As if to put the cherry on top, she placed a hand on her stomach. Jasper placed his on top and all I saw was red.

Everyone erupted in cheers and shouts, mostly by Emmett and my mom, and I stepped up, congratulating the couple. My sister and Jasper have been together longer than Bella and I was. I was so happy for them, and happy that I would have a little niece or nephew.

It didn't stop the pain that spread across my chest. That should've been me: expecting, married, _happy_. But instead, here I am in a stupid hospital because I can't handle that my high school sweetheart broke up with me. I wanted it so bad that I almost felt a little jealous. I didn't act on it though, and I made sure I masked the emotion until everyone was safely out of my room. Let's just say I may have broken a mug…Or two…


	4. Chapter 4

_**This Chapter's a little longer , since I haven't updated in forever. My apologies, please enjoy. :D**_

* * *

><p>Dr. Ortega never showed up to my new suite that night. I was a little thankful that she was giving me a little time to myself. I didn't have any unpacking to do, thanks to my family's help. So I settled on some television. Did anyone ever mention that television turns your brain into jelly? Well, that's exactly how I felt after what seemed like a lifetime of mindless shows and movies. And when I went off to bed, my dreams were full of jelly…And Bella.<p>

The next day, I was all but excited to Dr. Ortega knocking on my door at 11 am. She gave me a small nod and I motioned her into my suite.

"How are you liking the change?" She took a look around, and I didn't miss her lips pursing at the sight of the broken mugs in my trashcan.

"It sucks." I know I was acting like a little girl, like always. I just hate being in this stuffy hospital with suffocating psychologists.

"Well, I've tried not to pry, but it is time to have another session. And they have to be more regular. I suggested every day at whatever time is convenient for you."

"Whatever. Let's just get started." We walked over to my living room and I perched myself on my couch while Dr. Ortega sat on the loveseat. "Where do you want me to start? Where I left off last time?"

"No. How about you start with the next very important event that happened between you and Bella."

It took me a minute to think about it. The next important event? What on earth did she mean? I rattled my brain trying to think of something significant that happened between Bella and me in our small time together. Although it was challenging, I finally thought of something.

"Alright, I guess I'll skip over to February break. That year, there was a really huge snow storm."

_The entire school was let out early because of an approaching snow storm. We were all supposed to get into our cars and go directly home, but you know how teenagers are. We all lingered in the parking lot, talking about our plans for the break, while having staff members shoo us off campus. _

_ I took this time to talk to Jessica. I knew she had been looking for me all day, but I was avoiding a very hard, yet inevitable conversation. We were both infatuated with people that weren't each other, and that was something that we both had to address. I asked her if she wanted a ride home and on the way she began to speak._

_ "I didn't know it would come to this, honestly." She shook her head and I saw her look at me from my peripherals. I kept my eyes on the road. "You knew this would happen sooner or later…"_

_ "I did," I confessed. "And so did you." _

_ She nodded sadly. "It's Bella for you isn't it?" I held my tongue. "It's okay to tell me, Edward. I'm not mad, I have no right to be."_

_ "Yes." I finally looked at her and asked, "It's Mike for you, right?" Her eyes filled with an emotion I only remembered her having at the beginning of our relationship. I gave her a small smile. "I see the way you look at him, and how he looks at you. The pair of you will be great together."_

_ "I see that for you and Bella, too. She seems like she was created for you." She gave me a grin. "Everything happens for a reason I guess." _

_ I nodded. "At least this isn't a nasty break-up. We could still be friends."_

_ "Of course." She bit her bottom lip and spoke quickly, "Besides, Mike already asked me to the End of Winter Formal."_

_ I laughed. "Newton couldn't wait to get you, huh?" She shrugged, laughing with me._

_ "I didn't give him an answer yet, I wanted to talk to you first."_

_ "Go for it. Like I said, you two are good for each other." She smiled._

_ I pulled up to her house a little while later and I got out to open her door like always. I decided to walk her to her door and give her a proper goodbye. _

_ "I'm glad we spoke." She looked up at me and gave me another grin. _

_ "Me too, Jess." I leaned down and hugged her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She squeezed my waist, and then we parted at the same time._

"Seems you took that well. I understand you weren't bothered by the fact that she liked someone else, because you were in the same rung. However, weren't you upset by the fact that Mike already made his move on Jessica before you ended things with her?" Dr. Ortega was one nosy psychologist.

"I admit, I was a little surprised and angry, but I had to remember that he has liked her for a very long time. By that time, we weren't acting like we were together anymore, so I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt that he thought we were no longer an item."

She nodded at me to continue.

"_Good luck with Mike," I said as I walked off her porch. She giggled._

_ "I think you are the one who needs the luck with Bella…" I thought she was joking, but I turned to stare at her half-serious expression._

_ I squinted at her. "What do you mean?"_

_ "Didn't you hear?" There goes gossip-Jessica. "Her boyfriend from Phoenix is going to be spending the break here in Forks." _

"Interesting…" Dr. Ortega leaned forward and studied my reactions. "And what did you feel in that moment?"

"Confused, angry, upset, disappointed…" I shook my head slowly, trying to clear my thoughts. "But most of all, I felt like I had already lost my chance."

"Did Bella ever tell you this herself?"

"Not exactly, but when m parents invited her over for dinner the night after the snow storm, she kinda gave me a warning…"

"_Edward," my mom yelled up the stairs. I just invited the Swans over for dinner. Please clean your room!" _

_ I groaned. Not only because now I had to clean my messy room, but also because I was not looking forward to having the Swans come over. Don't get me wrong, Charlie Swan is a great man, and Bella…Well, she's Bella. But I knew that she would be bringing her boyfriend to dinner if he really was visiting._

_ "Edward! Did you hear me?" I was snapped out of my thoughts by my mom's voice travelling up the stairs once again. _

_ "Yes, mom!" I yelled back. I got up from my bed and made my way to my stereo to play music while I cleaned. I picked up all the piles of clothes on my floor and vacuumed my rug. While I was making my bed, I heard my phone beep over the music. I finished placing my pillows in a neat stack and opened up the text. It was from Bella._

_**Hey Edward. My dad told me ur mom invited us for dinner tonite. Please tell her to save room for 3, we will be there at 7. xoxo Bella**_

"I guess that was all the confirmation you needed," said my nosey doctor.

I nodded. "At least she warned me, I had a couple hours to mentally prepare myself to see Bella with another man."

_They arrived right on time and I nervously pulled at the collar of the button down my mom made me wear. She claimed it was a semi-formal event, since we were having company. Of course Alice and I defied her a little bit by wearing jeans instead of pants or a skirt. I heard our guests being greeted by my mom and dad as Alice and I set the table. She kept looking at me weirdly._

_ "Alice, I'm not going to explode." She rolled her eyes and gave me a small smile._

_ "You can get through this." _

_I gave her an incredulous look. "What the hell are you talking about?" I said a little too loudly._

"_Keep your voice down," she whispered. "I know you like Bella, anyone with eyes could notice that. I'm just saying that the rest of us have your back."_

_I had to admit, my sister had a weird way of just knowing things._

"_Kids, come greet our guests." _

_Alice and I walked into the living room from the kitchen and saw The Swans sitting on the couch. Charlie was in dress pants with a polo shirt, looking very cleaned up as he usually does when he visits. Bella looked divine in black jeans and a deep blue sweater that made her skin glow. Her hair was in her usual waves and I had to tell myself to stop staring and say hello. I shook hands with Charlie and gave Bella a small hug when I noticed who was sitting next to her for the first time._

_A boy with shaggy, light brown hair and dark brown eyes stood up when Bella introduced him to Alice and me. I scrutinized him as he gave my sister a small hug. He was wearing light washed jeans with a black t-shirt. He then turned to me and I offered my hand._

"_I'm Lucas, nice to meet you." He gave me a small nod. Damn, I didn't even have a reason to not like him yet. He was a complete gentleman to his hosts. _

"_Edward, likewise." I gave his hand a firm shake and let go. An awkward silence filled the room and I all but yelled when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it."_

_I walked to the door, running my hand through my hair nervously. _You can do this, Edward_, I chanted at myself. _It's only one night, it's only dinner._ I convinced myself only a little by the time I opened the front door. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were all standing on my porch and their smiles fell when they saw my nervous demeanor. I motioned with my finger to my lips for them not to mention my state when I saw Em's mouth open._

"_Come in, guys." I stepped aside and made room for them to walk in. Jasper patted me on the back._

"_He's already here?" he mouthed. I nodded and motioned for him to enter the living room. _

_Rosalie came in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and gave me a small smile when she pulled away. She handed me a plate I didn't notice she was holding. "I made dessert. Egg Custard."_

_I said my thanks and greeted Emmett. He looked like he would explode from all the things he wanted to say, but for my sake, he didn't say a word._

_I closed the door and walked back to the family room where everyone was being greeted and introduced. I walked quickly to the kitchen, to avoid more awkwardness and hear my mom's heels follow me in. I placed the dish in the fridge, and helped my mom bring the platters to the dining room._

"_Why aren't you out there with the others? I can handle the rest of this." My mom eyes me carefully._

_I grabbed the last two dishes from her hands. "It's fine mom, really." She shrugged and walked into the living room to announce dinner._

_They all filled into the room and we took our usual seats. Dad sat at the head of the table and my mom to his left. Charlie sat next to her, then Lucas and Bella. I sat on Bella's other side, at the other head of the table. Emmett sat next to me, then Rose, and then Alice and Jasper sat at my dad's right side. We all joined hands as my father said grace, and I couldn't help my heartbeat from speeding up as I felt jolts of electricity pass between me and Bella. _

"Do you think she felt it too?" Damn this nosey woman always interrupting.

"I hoped she did. I sure as hell didn't want the shocks to be coming from Emmett nor did I want it to be aftershocks of the currents passing between her and Lucas."

"And looking back on it now, what was the most probable?" She sat back, scribbling in her notepad without looking.

"That she felt it too."

_Dinner passed uneventfully. Everyone spoke and laughed together. I joined in a couple of times, but Emmett gave me a look that said everyone knew my laugh was forced. I quickly stopped laughing after that. _

_ "So Lucas, you up for a snowball fight later? We're doing boys against girls," said Emmett as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "That is, if Bella will play and not leave Rose and Ali to fend for themselves."_

_ Bella hesitated. "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't like the cold and wet…"_

_ Jasper laughed. "Sounds to me like someone's scared to get beamed with some snowballs." _

_ "Oh it's fine," said Emmett, looking at his fingernails. "Bella's just chicken." Rose smacked the side of his head. "Ouch, Rosie." He rubbed his head._

_ "Don't listen to him, Bell." Rose gave her boyfriend a sideways glance. "You don't have to play if you don't want to."_

_ Bella squared her shoulders and stared Emmett down across the table. "No, I'll play. I'm no chicken." She smiled menacingly, "Just leave Em to me."_

_ We all laughed as Emmett swallowed loudly. _

_ "So I'm in too," said Lucas finally. "I've never actually seen snow until I got here, nonetheless, played with it. You girls are going down." _

_ Alice gave him a sly smile. "We'll see about that. We're pros, and you're a first timer."_

_ Lucas gave a look around the table and furrowed his eyebrows. "I think the numbers are uneven…"_

_ "Don't worry about that," says Emmett. "Edward, here, never plays. He just watches like a teenage girl." Em pretended to pinch my cheeks and coo at me. I slapped his hands away._

_ Lucas laughed obnoxiously, louder and longer than anyone else. "Edward doesn't look like the type to play anyway."_

_ Everyone gave him odd looks, but laughed slightly. I stared him down._

_ Jasper spoke up. "Don't get the wrong idea. Edward is a beast at snowball fights, he just likes to play fair."_

_ "I don't see the fun in that," retorted Mr. Arizona._

_ "Fine, then," I finally said. "I'll sit out while you play boys against girls. Then we'll play guy teams. Be prepared to get schooled, Arizona."_

_ He narrowed his eyes at my little nickname, but squared his shoulders. "You're on." _

_ Just then a shrilling ring sounded in the room, even the parents quieted to know where it was coming from. Lucas frantically patted his pocket and took out his phone, staring at the screen contemplatively._

_ "Sorry, I gotta take this." He squeezed Bella's hand, excused himself, and went into the kitchen to talk on the phone._

"And why was that so significant?" I groaned at her interruption. "I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright." I looked at the clock and said, "Our time is up anyway."

She seemed to snap out of her reverie. She began to gather up her stuff and I walked her to the door.

"You didn't answer my question."

"It's significant because Bella had the most heart wrenching frown on her face when Lucas left the table to talk on his phone. Only later would I find out exactly why…" She seemed lost in my story once again. "But that, my dearest doctor, is a story for another time."


End file.
